Consent is key when it comes to sex, and many people don’t actually make sure that they’re getting consent. Some people aren’t sure what to ask and others think it might be an awkward conversation to bring up when you’re starting to get physical. Getting consent doesn’t need to ruin the mood; there are ways to make sure you are getting consent while keeping things sexy.
See below some ways that you can make sure you’re getting consent:
“Do you want to have sex?”
This is one of the most basic questions to ask but it’s an important one. Assuming someone wants to have sex based on their body language, how they’re acting or how they’re dressed doesn’t equal consent. Checking in and asking if someone definitely wants to have sex can make you feel confident that they’re as into things as you are.
“What things do you want to do?”
This question is a really good one to ask because it gives the other person an opportunity to explicitly say how far they want to take things. Some people might class sex as touching each other, while others might consider sex only to be oral/vaginal/anal, so asking this question confirms the other person’s boundaries and prevents any mixed messages.
“Are you alright?”
Saying this during sex or when things start getting physical gives someone the opportunity to say “no” or “not really” if they’re not enjoying something.
“Do you want me to keep going?”
Sometimes people start a sex act or get into a position that they’re keen for but then they start to not enjoy it but are too embarrassed to say anything, so questions like this are great for just making sure your partner is still okay with what you’re doing.
“Does that feel good?”
A quick and easy question to double check someone is liking what you’re doing – and if it’s a yes, it’s a nice reminder that you’re doing a good job too!
“Shall we use a condom?”
Condoms are important when it comes to consent. Everyone should have the opportunity to use a condom if they wish and you should never pressure someone to have sex without one just because you don’t want to use one. It’s also worth knowing that removing a condom without your partner’s knowledge (a.k.a. stealthing) also removes their consent; if you agree to having sex with a condom and remove it, without saying, then you no longer have consent.
“Wanna try [sex position/sex act]?”
If you’re thinking of trying out a new sex position, it’s definitely best to ask consent first. Asking ‘Wanna try…’ is an easy and relaxed way to check whether they’d be keen to try that with you, and remember, it has to be an enthusiastic yes!
Read up more about consent on Brook’s website